Days like today make me want to just quit.  I'm at my wit's end.  I cannot actively serve as a youth leader with my two kids hanging by my side (and my husband's). 

And I think I resent that.  I resent the fact that I often view my kids as burdens.  I'm angry that I can't do a better job as a parent nor can I do a better job as a youth leader.  A part of me is angry that my kids aren't perfect and can't just automatically behave themselves when we're in a ministry setting.  On one hand, it would be great for them to just not be there -- but who would I have to burden on a weekly basis for the next 5-8 years to take care of my kids while we serve?  And then what kind of parent am I... continuously neglecting to give them the attention that they so crave?  I feel like it's a no-win situation.  I resent my kids for preventing me from doing youth ministry and I resent the ministry from preventing me to parent. 

I'm angry at myself for being so disconnected with the Lord and allowing myself to be this way.  I'm so ineffective right now.  So why continue?